Indigestion

I don’t watch much TV these days outside of Pittsburgh Pirates baseball games (which, ironically, given how bad the Pirates are, is not the topic of this post), a little soccer, maybe repeats of The Office and 30 Rock, now that the new season has begun, some Top Chef on Bravo, and occasionally ESPN or Wolfie “Happening Now!” Blitzer on CNN.

Even with such a limited viewing repertoire, I have managed to see some commercials lately that literally make my tummy get a little gurgly—namely, commercials for new offerings from our still-burgeoning fast-food industry.

Among these are ads for Pizza Hut’s new P’zone, Wendy’s triple cheeseburger, KFC’s “Famous Bowls,” and any of the ads for Quiznos’ myocardial infarction-inducing toasted subs.

The P’zone ad boasts that it has one freaking pound of meat, veggies, and cheese in it.

KFC’s “Famous Bowls” include a chicken and biscuit bowl: mashed potatoes, corn, little bits of fried chicken, cheese, and most-likely sodium-packed and synthetically flavored “white gravy” all conveniently packed into one bowl. Oh, yeah, as the name explains, a freakin’ biscuit on the side.

Quiznos is fond of bragging about how much meat and cheese they can pile onto one of their famously toasted subs, including ads touting its new baja chicken, which has what looks to be half of a chicken on it, bacon, cheddar cheese, chiptole mayo, and the mysterious baja sauce.

And Wendy’s most recent add for its triple cheeseburger has people in a forest, including a male ring leader wearing a red “Wendy” wig, complete with upturned pigtails, chanting “Fresh, juicy burger” – fresh, because their prefab square meat patties are “never frozen” – a novel take on “fresh” if ever I’ve heard one.

When I see these commercials, I’m glad we don’t eat fast food in our household. And I understand why I get sick from even a single slice of a Pizza Hut offering. And I further appreciate why an estimated 65.2 percent of U.S. adults 20 or older are overweight and 15 percent of children and adolescents are overweight and 30.5 percent are obese.

It also makes me glad that summer’s here, that we can get truly fresh veggies and fruit from our CSA – that is “fresh” as in dug out of the ground or picked from the vine about 8 hours or so before I pick it up at the farm.

Now if somebody can help me get my kids to even consider putting some fresh shell peas or balsamic and garlic laden asparagus in their mouths, I’d be like a gopher in soft dirt -- you know, really happy.